Show Me Your Wings

Show me your wings
May i see how they expand over me
Show me your wings
As they shelter me from the elements
I wait and watch for your presence to land
I hope for a refuge, a place to rest

Show me your wings
May they take me to far away lands
Show me your wings
I have found so much peace in their midst
They pick me up from this broken ground
And set me on solid foundation

13.1

"How did I get here?" Angela thought to herself? "When did I sign up for this and why?" On mile 2 of 13.1, Angela wondered what could be wrong with her that she ever saw this as a good idea.

Angela and her best friend, Maggie, had decided six months ago to sign up for a half marathon in hopes that they'd be inspired to run more often. To give themselves credit, they had run far more then they had 6 months prior but this was borderline certifiable.

Angela was only on mile two and already she was bored and suffering. As she watched people pass her, she was sure she'd be the last person to finish. "There can't be that many people running this race,” she would think to herself.

The pain in her lungs was intense and she wasn't sure that she could suffer through it for eleven and a half more miles. Shaking out the stiffness in her arms, she pushed forward. Two miles was nothing. She ran that three to four times a week. Heck, ten miles wasn't that big a deal anymore. For the last three Saturdays they had run ten to twelve miles each. Now that it was race day, it seemed impossible.

Taillights

Megan watched him drive away. 10 years of marriage fading away with taillights in the night. Just like that. No warning. No explanation. Jason just left. Leaving his five year old son, a crying heap in her arms. The man she loved had left a long time ago now the man she married was following suit.

She knew Jason was unhappy. She knew he was struggling with so many things; marriage, work, his faith and the loss of his parents two years ago. They had tried therapy, prayer, and constant arguing but nothing seemed to bring him back to her.

When Megan got home that night, she found him loading his car. The ache in her gut began immediately. There were no planned trips especially that would take that much luggage. What gave it away though was that he was loading up the Civic. He never drove that car. They had been trying to sell the car for over a year. It wasn't worth much, but she was sure it could get him where he needed to go.

Uneven

Have you ever watched someone on the Uneven Bars? Its breathtaking how they maneuver so delicately between the bars. Just when you think they are going to crash into the bar, they are back up in the air soaring around, twisting and turning.  There is so much grace in the chaos that is this gymnastic event.

Much like those bars, my life had become a balancing act between my mom's personalities.  It wasn't until I 16 that a scientific label was put on the chaos that she was.  Manic Depressive Disorder, aka Bipolar disorder.

My mom could be the most graceful, giving person you would ever meet.  She could also be the most selfish, self-centered, egotistical, maniacal individual you ever met.  You never knew who you were going to meet that day.  Some days you didn't know if all 7 of her personalities would show up at once. I don't mean she was schizophrenic or suffering from multiple personalities.  She just could quite possibly have 7 different versions of herself.

The Helper.  
The Helper would make sure my sister Angie and I had all of our homework done and would help us with our various extra curricular activities.  She was quick to come to friends' rescue, "giving" of her self time and again. 

Bruised

She didn't see it coming.  He wasn't the man she married.  He definitely wasn't the father he pledged himself to be. The sparkle he used to have in his eyes for life had dimmed so much that darkness spilled out.   The stress had overtaken him.  Keeping up with the big dogs at work, planning for a child, the loss of his dad, had over time eaten away at who he used to be.

She remembered the day they met.  Alex had such a zest for life, such an energy. Everyone who knew him couldn't stay away.  It was contagious.  He never did anything half heartily.  He poured all he had into whatever he had on his plate and never seemed to burn out.  The drive to see things through, to make magic happen, seemed only to empower him.  Hillary being a little more on the introverted side, found herself pulled towards him.

The day they found out they were going to be parents, Alex cried, yelled, laughed and even did a few cartwheels.  He made sure that anyone that knew him, friend or acquaintance, knew he was going to be a father to the best little boy or girl in the world

Upside Down - feb 19, 2011

I write this about 6 months ago. Its not a story per se but to me it tells one.

You come at me upside down

We're twisted, angry, unrecognizable.

I try to shake free of this wicked world.
Desperate for hope, change
But you come at me upside down.

Weary from these dessert travels
40 days, 40 years, 40 lifetimes of wondering
North Star, any star, looking to set my pathways straight
Wondering what could i have been
Still you are upside down

Invisible Regrets

She woke up that morning feeling like something wasn't right. What was wrong? She wasn't sure and couldn't put her finger on the source but she knew today wasn't going to be her day.

Avoiding what was waiting for her, she stayed in bed. Snooze became her best friend and most annoying one at that. Pulling her trusted eye mask over her eyes, she rolled over and waited patiently for the piercing sound to annoy her again.

Finally after an hour, making her extremely late, she pushed the covers down and allowed her eyes to open to the bright morning sun. Glancing out the window she could tell the sky was out in all of its glory, ready for the day ahead. Jessie wasn't ready for what it had to offer her.

Hold Your Breath

Grace wasn't sure how long she had been under but she could feel the pressure on her lungs, the ache in her chest and the need to draw in each breath slowly and intentionally. Devin had challenged her for the 100th time to a "hold your breath" contest. This time, she was determined to win. She had been practicing every day, desperate to add to her 45 second record. Devin had at least 10 seconds on her each weekend and she was determined to finally beat him.

"Ready, set, go", deep breath and they were under water. The pressure the water adds to the hold makes each second feel like minutes. She waited for what felt like a minute before opening her eyes. She knew from experience that to watch Devin made it harder for her to keep her breath. So she waited, eyes closed, dreaming of the ice cream she knew her mom would buy her at the end of the day. Excited about the trip to the fair her parents promised on Sunday. When her head started to go light and her chest started to scream she slowly opened her eyes. Devon was no where to be seen. She didn't know if he was teasing her, psyching her out so she waited until she couldn't wait any longer and then slowly came up for air.